Full Throttle

Nascar Is Keeping Liquor Company Out

You were expecting common sense out a bunch of erroneous yellow flagwavers at NASCAR.

Jeff Burton drew plenty of attention by finishing fourth in a Nascar Nextel Cup race two weeks ago in Dover, Del. The engine in his Ford was not much more powerful than any other in the field, and he did not drive with much more bravado or skill than anyone else.

Burton was driving a car that, with the exception of tiny decals on the front left quarter-panel, was as stark white as a washer and dryer. In a world where corporate sponsors pay millions, Burton’s unadorned car was the splashiest of all. Unsponsored cars are a staple in stock-car races, although they are usually slow cars that quickly drop to the back of the field.

The difference is that Burton drives for one of the top teams - Roush Racing - and has a sponsor ready to pay millions: Diageo, the world’s largest liquor maker.

Diageo manufactures 9 of the top 20 distilled spirits, including the brands Captain Morgan, Crown Royal, Dom Perignon, Gordon’s, Johnnie Walker, Jose Cuervo, Smirnoff, Tanqueray and Seagram’s.

And what does Nascar president Mike Helton have to say about a potential multi-million dollar deal for one the better drivers on the circuit:

“We’re not making a decision on the sponsor of the 99 car,” Nascar president Mike Helton said of Burton’s car. “Our decision is whether to allow spirits in the sport. We’re still of some opinion that spirits should not be allowed in the sport.”

How about a little spirit of competition, would you care to let that enter the NASCAR equation?

Let me check my memory bank for a moment - Yep there they are - replays of
a red Chevrolet driven by Dale Earnhardt Jr sponsored by Budweiser, Miller Lite splashed across Rusty Wallace’s Dodge, and Coors Light logos obliterating the bare sheetmetal of Sterling Marlin’s silver Dodge. And what of the little Smirnoff Ice logo on Burton’s teammate Matt Kenseth ride?

“In our minds, we view Smirnoff Ice as a beer or a wine,” said Jim Hunter, the director of communications for Nascar. “We don’t view it as a hard liquor.”

That’s assuming you have “minds,” and the current spate of easily fixed flagman difficulties calls that into serious question. But I still wonder why something with 2 or 3 times the alcohol content of a “good ole boys” beer isn’t considered a liquor.

So here is the NASCAR view as I see it. You can drink any number of different brands of beer till you produce a urinary tract explosion the size of a Chernobyl-4 reactor meltdown. All the while unable to pass a breath test in 50 States, three US territories, and the vodka addicted Russia. But thats OK, NASCAR can live with the results of advertising beer. And then, if your able to survive your beer binge you can then entertain the fans at Watkins Glen this week with a Viagra induced “woody” as you chase the racing babes thru the pits.

Oh, I almost forgot, your running attire includes a stupid hat with bottles of Smirnoff Ice on each side and double set of straws leading to your mouth.

Yep, that about sums it up. At least til NASCAR gets clue, or the starting fields are pegged at 30 vice the current 43.